Everything Else

My neuroses: monster under the bed

If you get to know me well, over time you might start to notice a few…oddities. You see, I might be a little bit neurotic. Ok, perhaps a lot. My husband is a saint for putting up with all of my craziness.

It is perfectly normal for children to be afraid of monsters under their bed, right? Once the lights go off at night, the dark space underneath your bed can be a frightening place. However, over time, you grow out of that fear because…well…it is irrational.

I’d like to consider myself a rational person. I am aware that creatures are not hiding below my bedsprings…I really do. But nevertheless, I find it absolutely impossible to shake the fear that some dark, shadowy hands are going to reach out from underneath my bed to grab my ankles as I stand beside it.

So, what do I do to assuage these fears? Oh, you know…what any normal person would do. As soon as I hit the lightswitch, I have to take a running leap into the bed! I wish I was joking about this. I’m sure that my husband wishes I was joking about this. Little did he know that he was marrying a crazy lady who has to sprint towards the bed at full speed and jump onto the mattress. Sometimes I can’t make it all the way onto my side of the bed (he sleeps closer to the door/lightswitch) and I land uncomfortably on his legs. On those occasions, my habit is not exactly cute.

In an attempt to not drive my husband nuts, I’ve begun an earnest attempt at walking to my side of the bed before jumping in. However, if I DO walk to the side of my bed to lay down like a normal human being, I have a VERY limited amount of time to do so. If I linger too long by the bedside, I feel overcome with unease. I have an unstoppable urge to tiptoe/jump back and forth from one foot to another…an anti-monster dance, if you will. It is like I can sense the shadowy figures from under the bed reaching towards my legs, as if in slow motion. And of course, the little jig that I’m doing is going to make it more difficult for the monsters to grab me. Yep, I’m nuts.

The best thing to do is to jump into bed and pull the covers up to my neck as soon as possible. Because everyone knows that monsters are powerless against you when you’re under the covers.


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  • If I’m outside in the dark without other people it freaks me out.

    I have pretty much the same solution you do when I have to run and get something out of my car after dark. Open the front door, sprint to my car, grab whatever I need, and sprint back slamming and locking the door in the process. I’ve lock the future hubs out multiple times doing this.

    I realize there’s nothing outside but I get the heebie-jeebies. =)

  • I do the same thing! I’m terrified of the dark. Like, TERRIFIED. I have to turn on every light in the room to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and then run back to bed once I turn them off. Also, no part of me can hang off the bed. I’m positive that it’ll get bitten off if it does.

  • If it makes you feel any better, up until about 5 years ago, I would stack ALL of pillows on the half of the bed that I didn’t sleep on as a barricade to prevent any “monsters” from crawling up on that side of the bed, or coming through my window. Crazy, I know.

  • I can’t sleep unless my ear is covered. Whichever ear is up (I usually sleep on my side). It can be covered with hair, a blanket, whatever, but it has to be covered or I freak out and can’t sleep.

    i am SO weird.

  • I have the same fear! Not necessarily of monsters, but of someone being under the bed waiting to grab me. I do the same run and jump thing and attempt to either get over or around my sweet hubby’s legs, but it doesn’t always work. Love knowing that I’m not alone in this!

  • Hahaha oh you’re too cute. We have side tables with lamps so I just turn those on before I turn our big light off. I’m uneasy in the dark, too and this is a good solution!!

  • No, of course you’re not crazy! Because if you are, I am too 😀 Ok fine we can be crazy together! I feel the EXACT same way, and do the very same things you do. Now I just try to make sure I turn on my bedside lamp before turning out the main light! But yes, otherwise it’s a run & leap situation. I feel like my feet are being grabbed (even though they’re clearly not). I have to immediately tuck them under the covers and pull the blankets up to my chin to feel better.

  • Ok. This probably won’t help at all. But your entry reminded me of a hilarious story. My mom was the oldest of 10 and so her younger siblings drove her crazy sometimes. Her brother Johnnie used to always fall asleep while playing hide and seek- once their mom found him the next morning in the linen closet!

    One night my mom (who was like, in High School!) was laying in bed and kept hearing this weird weezy scratchy noise. She got up and checked her closet, behind her door, etc- nothing. Finally while lying in bed she kept repeating to herself “there’s no such thing as monsters” as she reached under her bed…. and felt a hand!!!! It was her brother Johnnie, he had fallen asleep while playing hide and seek and his weird breathing (he has asthma) sounded like a monster to her. Naturally, she got in trouble since he woke up and bumped his head, LOL.

    And now you know my mom better, haha.

  • Hahahaha! This is very awesome. I have a slightly milder version of this. No running jumps or anything, but sometimes in the middle of the night when I find myself with my foot hanging off the edge of the bed, I have to pull it in…you know, to protect myself from the monster. And yes, they are very powerless against covers. But do you remember that scene from the curse when the creature/demon/whateveritwas crawled up from the foot of the bed under the covers?

  • So, as a first-time visitor to “Ruffles & Truffles,” I was thoroughly pleased! I haven’t laughed out loud while reading a blog in awhile.

    You’re awesome! And I absolutely loved the anti-monster dance. I definitely did that as a kid. HA!

    I will definitely be back for some more reading SOON! Thanks for writing!

  • This is too funny, Katie! I do the same thing, only my “random-guy-chillin’-under-my-bed” fear tends to come & go… Some nights I’m a mature, rational adult (“there’s TOTALLY not a guy under my bed!”)… and other nights I just KNOW he’s there. And it’s definitely a guy, not sure how I know that I just KNOW. lol

    P.S. I love your blog it’s SUPER cute!! : )

  • Oh! I’m scared of that too! I do the running start and I am perfectly content with sleeping with the lights on. I won’t even let my leg hang off, no matter how awkward/uncomfortable it might be. I don’t need those monsters to get me.

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